Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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