so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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