Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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