I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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