I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
vagina is talking i cant
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
