Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
