I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
