I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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