I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
