He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
