I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
