Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
