and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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