I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
