no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
