I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
