that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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