She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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