nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
