So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
