Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
