my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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