...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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