Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
