is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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