Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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