I smell stomach acid.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
