One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
