Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
