Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
