I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
