It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
