Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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