Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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