I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
