Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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