There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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