Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The feeling are messing with the penis
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
