im having a threesome with these popsicles
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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