You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
