He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
