A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
