His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
