Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
