You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
