i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
