I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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