I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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