you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
