she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
40s are totally the cure
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
is it fun? or sober?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize