Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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