I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
