On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
