my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
