I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
