my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
